We were jogging together in Hyde Park one evening. Usually, we would jog at roughly the same pace but sometimes, Y would tap me on the shoulder and ask me if we could walk for a while. To be honest, I enjoy the walks as much as the jogs. I like how we admired the scenery together and talked about various things when we walked. On that evening, I felt that my left calf was cramping and I knew that I needed to stop to stretch. Unlike Y, I didn’t inform her that I needed to stop for a while. Instead, I watched her disappear into the distance. I started jogging after a while and when I turned around a corner, I saw her waiting there.
Y: What happened? Where were you?
Me: Sorry, my leg was hurting so I had to stop for a while.
Y: Why didn’t you tell me? I could walk with you.
Me: No, we are not the same…
I am a person who is willing to help us but I somehow resist asking people for help. In situations when I am helpless, I feel rather worthless. Objectively, I know this is not a good thing – this refusal to ask for help may end up limiting my professional development as well as the development of closer relationships. But emotionally, I really need a lot to push myself to communicate when I need assistance from others. At the end of the day, I think it boils down to the fact that I like to act tough and I don’t like to show any form of vulnerability. I need to learn to share my problems, reveal my “weaknesses” and ask for help because I know people whom I love love me back.
“It’s beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world” – Goodnight Goodnight, Maroon 5