This is my third week back in Singapore and I am beginning to feel the heat (both literally and figuratively). I feel much more competitive here as compared to in London and that is giving me plenty of unnecessary stress and that makes me rather unhappy. I have sort of figured out how it happened but I am still perplexed as to why I turned out the way I did. Somehow I set unrealistic expectations about what I want to achieve and I tried to measure up to the best of my peers in whatever I am doing. In the end, I kept my eyes fixated on what I didn’t/ couldn’t have instead of what I have and more importantly, the process of enjoying life and working hard towards my dream(s). I wanted to achieve so much that I neglected the process of getting there. Why though?
Well, it certainly has something to do with being back in Singapore. It is so easy to compare myself with my peers in Singapore because our lifestyles are so much more similar. In a sense, I felt like I have fallen behind in terms of career progression because of my year abroad and this makes me want to work extra hard to compensate for the loss of time. But time is an entity that no one can get back no matter how hard you work to chase the ticking clock. Figuratively, chasing time is similar to trying to hold onto sand tightly – the more you clench your fist, the more the sand slip away from your hand and the more frustrated you become.
Additionally, I realized that my frame of mind is very different in Singapore as compared to in London. In London, I was contented with being a nobody; I was interested to explore and to learn new things; I was happy to pack my bag to discover new places and experience new sensations; most importantly I was excited to grow in different aspects. On the other hand, in Singapore, I am overly thrilled to become somebody who achieves success in whatever I am doing; I am happy to have my family and close friends around me to support my cause. Essentially, the life that I am leading now is far from balanced. I want to reach my targets as fast as possible and I am not leading a life that has a good work/ play and fast/ slow balance. Furthermore, somehow I don’t see myself as someone who is still growing – someone who may be clumsy and fumble in the beginning but is willing to work towards becoming someone better. That is not the right frame of mind. I need to slow down, be humble and continue to learn from others. I need to continue to enjoy learning. I need to enjoy the journey towards my destination.
Do what you can with what you have. 命里有时终须有,命里无时莫抢求.